AOC Calls on PETA to Investigate “Great Steak Fire of ’25,” Claims Ribeyes Were Victims of Cruelty

A vegan firefighter heroically extinguished a blazing tractor-trailer carrying 40,000 pounds of ribeye steaks, unfortunately every ounce of prime beef was destroyed in what experts are already calling “the single greatest tragedy since the invention of kale chips,” sources have confirmed.

New York’s own Zohran Mamdani was overheard saying the steaks were “torched only because republicans didn’t want to share,” while Greta Thunberg, red-faced with fury, reportedly admitted the smell of beef-flavored smoke and medium-rare juices made her crave steak fajitas and a Coke.

Meanwhile, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez blamed Donald Trump and Republicans for “animal cruelty,” demanding PETA investigate whether the steaks had been properly treated “on the scene” — as if the cows were still mooing in the trailer.

JD Vance, unfazed, responded with a casual shrug, a baked potato, and a bottle of A1, reminding reporters that in Ohio “we don’t waste ribeyes, we eat them.”

Local ranchers say the only thing more painful than watching the beef burn was listening to Democrats argue the fire somehow proves the Green New Deal works.

As of press time, liberal activists were seen holding a candlelight vigil for the “fallen steaks,” though the candles themselves were promptly outlawed for contributing to climate change.