GENEVA, NY — A former New York D.A.R.E. officer accused of selling Adderall while on duty may have actually been implementing a groundbreaking crime-reduction strategy long overlooked by modern law enforcement, sources have confirmed
According to sources inside the department, the officer allegedly sold the stimulant while sitting in his patrol car outside a used car dealership, a move officials say demonstrates “remarkable efficiency and a deep commitment to cutting out the criminal middleman.”
“Look, when police handle distribution directly, it eliminates the need for drug dealers to commit crimes,” said one department spokesman during a press conference Tuesday.
“Fewer dealers, fewer turf wars, fewer arrests. On paper, the numbers look fantastic.”
Progressive analysts say the program — unofficially dubbed the ‘Squad Car Supply Initiative’ — may have inadvertently solved several statistical challenges facing modern police departments.
“If officers distribute the drugs themselves, technically the dealers are out of business,” explained a policy consultant hired to review the situation.
“And if there are no dealers, drug crime drops dramatically. It’s basic math.”
Officials confirmed the officer resigned after a 13-year career but stressed that the department remains committed to “innovative thinking” in its ongoing effort to improve public safety metrics.
As of press time, the city council is reportedly studying whether the model could be expanded to help address other crimes currently skewing the statistics.
LAUGH IF YOU WILL BUT THE LOONIES OF CALIFORNIA HAVE REPLACED MOST STREET DEALERS BY OFFERING CERTAIN DRUGS FREE TO “THE MOST DESERVING”. You know the ones that leave their needles piss and excrement all over a once beautiful city.
I realized police were involved in selling drugs years ago. This was when I first saw the roadside signs that said Reduced Speed ahead.. it was actual advertising. Nothing to do with actual driving.