American Airlines Zaps Gate Lice with Electric Surprise

In an unprecedented move aimed at streamlining the boarding process, American Airlines has officially declared war on “gate lice” – the term affectionately used to describe passengers who crowd around the gate long before their boarding group is called, sources have confirmed.

The airline announced new boarding procedures that involve a combination of mild electric shocks and shame bells to deter the eager beavers.

“Gate lice create unnecessary congestion and slow down the boarding process. It’s time we exterminate them,” stated an American Airlines spokesperson, while demonstrating a new gate layout equipped with discreet electric mats and ‘shame cam’ technology that broadcasts the faces of early standers to the entire terminal.

The radical measures have been met with mixed reactions. Some passengers appreciate the added space and efficiency, while others, missing the thrill of the pre-boarding huddle, have started practicing their startled jumps.

Travel experts are closely monitoring the situation to see if these tactics will spread to other airlines or if they’ll be written off as just another shocking idea that didn’t quite take flight.

As of press time, a group of disgruntled frequent flyers were seen consulting a lawyer about the potential for a class-action lawsuit over “premature boarding trauma.”