U.S. NEWS
Anthropic Gives AI a Wet Lab, Congress Discovers Oversight May Be Too Late
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Congress reportedly learned Anthropic had given artificial intelligence access to a wet lab Tuesday, prompting lawmakers to...
Read moreDetails
POLITICS
Los Angeles Mayoral Race Somehow Becomes Trump vs. Tacos and Dogs
LOS ANGELES — Los Angeles politics reportedly reached its final evolutionary stage this week after Mayor Karen Bass unveiled another...
WORLD NEWS
Today We Remember
Today, we put the jokes aside. Twenty-five years ago, on September 11, 2001, 2,977 people were killed in the terrorist...
Pelosi Shows Her Teeth, Reminds Democrats She Remembers Who Disavowed Her
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Nancy Pelosi showed her political teeth this week, but the target was not Republicans, it was her...
Government Solves Housing Crisis By Updating Definition of “Affordable”
NEW YORK, NY — Progressive city officials reportedly solved America’s affordable-housing crisis Monday after discovering it was considerably easier to...
El-Sayed Unveils Foreign Policy Doctrine: Terrorism Is Apparently Everyone Else’s Fault
DETROIT, MI — Abdul El-Sayed unveiled a revolutionary new approach to terrorism Tuesday based on the medical breakthrough that “hurt...
ENTERTAINMENT
Plainfield Police Bust Massive TP Ring, Town Narrowly Avoids Two-Ply Apocalypse
PLAINFIELD, IL — Plainfield police reportedly prevented the largest coordinated toilet-paper offensive in suburban history after seizing 650 rolls believed...
NFL Debuts New Era of Bandaids, Tirades and Gatorade
CHICAGO, IL — The NFL reportedly unveiled its softest product yet Sunday after Bears quarterback Caleb Williams grabbed his hamstring...
Cable News Unveils New Journalism Standard: Leave Out the Part That Ruins the Headline
NEW YORK, NY — America’s cable-news industry reportedly unveiled a revolutionary journalism standard Monday requiring reporters to investigate every side...
Hollywood Elite Vow to Defend Constitution, Immediately Ask Who Changed the Script
HOLLYWOOD, CA — Hollywood’s political elite reportedly gathered this week to solemnly defend the Constitution before realizing halfway through the...
SPORTS
Enes Kanter Freedom Applies to Run WNBA After League Won’t Let Him Play
NEW YORK CITY — After being told he could not play in the WNBA, Enes Kanter Freedom reportedly responded with...
Left Unveils New Anti-Trump Strategy: Horses Disguised as Cows
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Democratic activists launched their boldest anti-Trump investigation yet after discovering a blurry photograph of a horse standing...
MOST POPULAR
© 2025 DailySkrape.com. All Rights Reserved.