U.S. NEWS
Karen Bass’s Nose Grows So Long It Starts Its Own Fire Department
Los Angeles Mayor Karen Bass was fact-checked so hard this week that her nose reportedly grew three city blocks, knocked...
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POLITICS
Democrats Accuse Right Angles Of Voter Suppression After Virginia Map Gets Tossed
RICHMOND, VA — In the most predictable meltdown since Hillary lost to a tweet, Virginia Democrats are reportedly suing basic...
WORLD NEWS
Italian Village Descends Into Chaos as 400 Illegal Alien Peacocks Declare Victory
A quiet Italian village has descended into full-blown civil war after more than 400 invasive peacocks transformed the streets into...
Swalwell Campaign Insists Candidate Is Real, Just Too Busy To Appear In Real Time
California gubernatorial candidate Eric Swalwell’s campaign clarified this week that the congressman remains fully available to voters, provided they do...
Hunter Biden Spotted Playing Real-Life ‘Where In The World Is Accountability?’ While Debt Collectors Spin Globe
Hunter Biden has reportedly embraced his current financial situation by launching an international hide-and-seek tour, challenging creditors to track him...
Paris Unveils “Unarmed Policing 2.0,” Encourages Officers To Pivot Away From Safety
PARIS — Officials in a Paris suburb this week announced the launch of “Unarmed Policing 2.0,” an innovative new approach...
ENTERTAINMENT
Democrats Remind Nation First Rule Of The Game Is Don’t Get High On Your Own Supply
RICHMOND, VA — Democrats were forced to hold an emergency ethics seminar this week after Virginia Sen. Louise Lucas allegedly...
Millionaires Denounce Greed At $100,000-Per-Ticket Costume Party
Hollywood’s bravest millionaires gathered at the Met Gala to protest wealth inequality by wearing $400,000 clown costumes to a $100,000-per-ticket...
Hollywood Reimagines Anti-Communist Classic As Anti-Capitalist Fart Opera
Director Andy Serkis has reportedly unveiled a bold new children’s adaptation of Animal Farm that bravely fixes George Orwell’s outdated...
Charlize Theron Accidentally Becomes Most Conservative Woman In Hollywood After Telling Kids They Must Get Jobs
HOLLYWOOD—In a stunning blow to the national “free everything forever” movement, actress Charlize Theron horrified progressives this week by announcing...
SPORTS
Steve Kerr Has Great Woke Awakening
In a moment of pure enlightenment that left social justice warriors weeping into their oat milk lattes, Golden State Warriors...
CBS Misses Rory McIlroy’s Final Masters Shots After Deciding “Everyone At Augusta Won”
In a devastating blow to Americans who still believe sports broadcasts should show the sport, CBS reportedly missed Rory McIlroy’s...
CB Bucknor Praised By Progressive MLB Fans For Liberating Baseball From Outdated ‘Safe’ And ‘Out’ Labels
Major League Baseball unveiled its most progressive rule change yet Tuesday night after an umpire made a call so confusing...
MLB Unveils Liberal Strike Robot To Eliminate America’s Last Acceptable Public Argument
Major League Baseball unveiled its latest left-wing innovation this week: a strike-zone robot capable of making bad calls with the...
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