U.S. NEWS
Bluesky Bullies Turn Disneyland into Tantrum Land
Liberals turn Disneyland into a playground for petty grudges, sources have confirmed. At the so-called “Happiest Place on Earth,” Bluesky...
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POLITICS
Poll: Americans Say “No Thanks” to Dems’ Woke Circus
A new Breitbart poll reveals Democrat favorability has crashed harder than a canceled influencer’s career, sources have confirmed. The survey...
WORLD NEWS
NORAD’s ‘Headbutt’ Saves Trump’s Legendary Golf Game from Rogue Plane
A rogue Cessna dared invade the hallowed airspace above Trump’s Bedminster golf course, sources have confirmed. NORAD, ever vigilant, deployed...
UFC 1776: Trump to Referee Patriotic Punch-Out!
Get ready for a knockout celebration, as Trump plans a UFC cage match on the White House lawn for America’s...
Hakeem’s Hush-Hush Delay Leaves Dems Dozing
Democrats are fuming over House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries’ failure to warn them about delaying President Trump’s spending bill, sources...
Tillis’ 65th Birthday Wish: Save Medicaid from Trump
North Carolina Senator Thom Tillis, nearing his 65th birthday, reportedly told President Trump, “You ain’t taking my Medicaid away!” during...
ENTERTAINMENT
Jones ‘Tickled’ to Turn White House Lawn into Fight Club
Jon Jones is itching to throw punches on the White House lawn, sources have confirmed. The UFC heavyweight champ, recently...
Trump’s TikTok Takeover: FreedomTok to Outdance China!
Trump’s TikTok triumph is imminent, sources have confirmed. In a dazzling display of deal-making, President Trump announced the U.S. is...
Dems’ Gloomy X Posts Flop While Patriots Party with Fireworks
Democrats sulked through yesterday’s Independence Day festivities while America celebrated the Big Beautiful Bill, sources have confirmed. As patriots waved...
Yardman’s YOLO Party Shocks Suburbia!
A disgraced “lawn guy” turned a client’s empty home into a rowdy rave while they vacationed, sources have confirmed. The...
SPORTS
Paul Punches Back: Harris Named Ring Girl Czar
Jake Paul’s latest verbal sparring stole the show, sources have confirmed. At the Taylor-Serrano 3 press conference, a reporter’s sanctimonious...
Paul Calls Out Ailing Butterbean After Chavez Jr. Win
Fresh off his unanimous decision victory over Julio Cesar Chavez Jr., Jake Paul stunned fans by announcing his next fight...
Soccer Team Begs Migrants for Clean Kits
Angel City FC scrambled to borrow jerseys from L.A.’s immigrant community for last night’s match after their own went unwashed,...
Biles to Flip into Men’s Gymnastics Showdown
Simone Biles allegedly told Riley Gaines she’ll compete in men’s gymnastics at the 2028 Olympics, sources have confirmed. The bombshell,...
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