U.S. NEWS
Former College QB Reportedly Confused Truck Theft With Transfer Portal
PITTSBURGH, PA — Former college quarterback Phil Jurkovec reportedly entered a brief but intense “glory days” relapse last week after...
Read moreDetails
POLITICS
Speedy the Desert Tortoise Launches 2028 Exploratory Committee, Promises to Eventually Get Somewhere
SACRAMENTO, CA — California’s political establishment reportedly entered crisis mode Monday after Speedy, a desert tortoise with no donors, consultants,...
WORLD NEWS
Protesters Defeat High Fuel Prices by Burning All the Fuel They Could Afford
Protest organizers announced they had defeated rising fuel prices by purchasing fuel and setting it on fire in the middle...
French Police Unveil New Immigration Strategy: Help Every Problem Float to Britain
French authorities have unveiled an immigration strategy based on helping every problem float toward Britain, sources have confirmed. The initiative,...
Officials Who Declared Borders Outdated Order Emergency Shipment of Borders
Officials who spent their campaigns declaring borders outdated have ordered a shipment of borders after discovering that Ceuta cannot be...
Today We Remember
Today, we put the jokes aside. Twenty-five years ago, on September 11, 2001, 2,977 people were killed in the terrorist...
ENTERTAINMENT
NFL Debuts New Era of Bandaids, Tirades and Gatorade
CHICAGO, IL — The NFL reportedly unveiled its softest product yet Sunday after Bears quarterback Caleb Williams grabbed his hamstring...
Anthropic Gives AI a Wet Lab, Congress Discovers Oversight May Be Too Late
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Congress reportedly learned Anthropic had given artificial intelligence access to a wet lab Tuesday, prompting lawmakers to...
American Idol Leaves Hollywood, Newsom Immediately Auditions With “Baby Come Back”
HOLLYWOOD, CA — American Idol reportedly packed its microphones, golden tickets, and remaining functional extension cords for Georgia this week...
Sydney Sweeney Triggers National Emergency After Being Attractive, Successful and Registered Republican
HOLLYWOOD, CA — Leftist cultural authorities reportedly activated an emergency response plan Wednesday after discovering actress Sydney Sweeney had somehow...
SPORTS
Enes Kanter Freedom Applies to Run WNBA After League Won’t Let Him Play
NEW YORK CITY — After being told he could not play in the WNBA, Enes Kanter Freedom reportedly responded with...
Left Unveils New Anti-Trump Strategy: Horses Disguised as Cows
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Democratic activists launched their boldest anti-Trump investigation yet after discovering a blurry photograph of a horse standing...
POLL
MOST POPULAR
© 2025 DailySkrape.com. All Rights Reserved.