U.S. NEWS
Kelce’s Patriotic Post Sparks Leftist Meltdown
Jason Kelce’s heartfelt July 4th Instagram post celebrating American unity triggered a firestorm of leftist outrage, sources have confirmed. The...
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POLITICS
Jeffries’ Bat-tered Ego: Democrat’s Swing at Trump Bill Strikes Out
Hakeem Jeffries’ attempt to swing at Trump’s bill with a baseball bat fell flatter than a pancake, sources have confirmed....
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WORLD NEWS
NORAD’s ‘Headbutt’ Saves Trump’s Legendary Golf Game from Rogue Plane
A rogue Cessna dared invade the hallowed airspace above Trump’s Bedminster golf course, sources have confirmed. NORAD, ever vigilant, deployed...
UFC 1776: Trump to Referee Patriotic Punch-Out!
Get ready for a knockout celebration, as Trump plans a UFC cage match on the White House lawn for America’s...
Hakeem’s Hush-Hush Delay Leaves Dems Dozing
Democrats are fuming over House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries’ failure to warn them about delaying President Trump’s spending bill, sources...
Tillis’ 65th Birthday Wish: Save Medicaid from Trump
North Carolina Senator Thom Tillis, nearing his 65th birthday, reportedly told President Trump, “You ain’t taking my Medicaid away!” during...
ENTERTAINMENT
Trump’s TikTok Takeover: FreedomTok to Outdance China!
Trump’s TikTok triumph is imminent, sources have confirmed. In a dazzling display of deal-making, President Trump announced the U.S. is...
Yardman’s YOLO Party Shocks Suburbia!
A disgraced “lawn guy” turned a client’s empty home into a rowdy rave while they vacationed, sources have confirmed. The...
Ronnie’s MAGA Ban Flops at Ghostly Gig
Ronnie Winter, frontman of The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, banned Trump supporters from his band’s shows before an empty stadium Saturday,...
Arnold’s Guest Rules Spark View Uproar
Arnold Schwarzenegger stunned The View hosts by demanding immigrants “act like guests” and contribute through chores and charity, sources have...
SPORTS
Paul Calls Out Ailing Butterbean After Chavez Jr. Win
Fresh off his unanimous decision victory over Julio Cesar Chavez Jr., Jake Paul stunned fans by announcing his next fight...
Soccer Team Begs Migrants for Clean Kits
Angel City FC scrambled to borrow jerseys from L.A.’s immigrant community for last night’s match after their own went unwashed,...
Biles to Flip into Men’s Gymnastics Showdown
Simone Biles allegedly told Riley Gaines she’ll compete in men’s gymnastics at the 2028 Olympics, sources have confirmed. The bombshell,...
Retton Tumbles Through Traffic Stop with Olympic Flair
Gymnastics legend Mary Lou Retton, 57, stunned West Virginia State Police today by performing a full floor routine during a...
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