U.S. NEWS
AOC’s Red Light Dream Sparks Queens Chaos
In a shocking pivot, Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-N.Y.) is reportedly championing a Red Light District in Queens, touting it as...
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POLITICS
Patel’s $5M Bounty Tempts Dems to Free Gangster
FBI Director Kash Patel trumpeted a $5 million reward for nabbing MS-13 kingpin Yulan Adonay Archaga Carías, only for Democrats...
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WORLD NEWS
Holy Egg Hunt Sparks Right Wing Rumors
In a bizarre twist, Vice President J.D. Vance joined Pope Francis for an Easter egg hunt in the Vatican’s gardens,...
British court confirms water is wet and women are women
In a ruling that echoed across social media echo chambers and university faculty lounges, the Supreme Court of the United...
Letitia James investigates herself finds nothing but good intentions
In a twist that shocked absolutely no one who’s been paying attention, New York Attorney General Letitia James is now...
Aliens retaliate leave Putin with a pile of gravel
In what sounds like a rejected script from Stranger Things: Kremlin Edition, a declassified report claims a UFO attacked Russian...
ENTERTAINMENT
Wendy’s Trolls Katy Perry with Down to Earth Combo
Wendy’s new “I Kissed the Ground” meal deal mocks Katy Perry’s space stunt, sources have confirmed. After the pop star’s...
Scorsese says Moses was Black internet rewrites the Bible
Academy Award-winning director Martin Scorsese stunned viewers by sharing the story of St. Moses the Black, a 4th-century African monk...
From Buckingham to Hollywood: Prince Andrew’s Bear Pyramid
In a revelation that has movie buffs and royal watchers alike scratching their heads, royal author Tom Quinn has claimed...
Hough Advocates Land Returns, Keeps Own Plot
At the 97th annual Oscars ceremony, actress Julianne Hough took a bold stance, declaring that Hollywood should return its land...
SPORTS
Trump Mandates English Liberals Protest in Fluent English
In a bold move, President Trump declared English the official language of America, citing “common sense” and “patriotism”, sources have...
Caitlin Clark Deemed Uninfluential by Clueless Time
Time Magazine’s latest blunder names Caitlin Clark the least influential woman in sports, sources have confirmed. In a move that’s...
Governor Walz Wrestles with Regret as WWE Match Looms
In an unexpected turn of events, WWE legend Kane has thrown down the gauntlet to challenge Minnesota Governor Tim Walz...
Tiger Woods Swings into Love, Sets Up Epic Family Match
In an unexpected twist that’s more surprising than a hole-in-one on a par five, Tiger Woods has announced his love...
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