Mitt Romney unveiled a bold new retirement proposal this week after consulting AOC, Hakeem Jeffries, and a spirit board inside the New York Times editorial office Sources have confirmed
Romney also renewed his far-left membership card during the meeting, once again proving his long-standing talent for caving to Democrats so seamlessly that aides briefly forgot he was supposed to be a Republican at all.
Under the plan, Americans will officially retire sometime shortly after their funeral, with eligibility beginning at age 94 or whenever the government feels you have suffered enough.
Romney described the approach as compassionate, data driven, and very flexible, especially when it comes to denying benefits based on what he called “financial vibes.”
The proposal introduces means testing determined by unelected bureaucrats, social media sentiment, and whether you have ever smiled while owning property.
Social Security funds will be pooled into a single bipartisan checking account managed jointly by Democrats, media elites, and New York City’s soon to be mayor Mamdani, who reportedly promised to spend the money responsibly on equity consultants and international friendship initiatives.
Romney reassured voters the plan is not socialism, explaining that socialism involves ideology, while this plan involves taking your money forever and calling it kindness.
AOC praised the effort as historic, saying it proves Republicans can evolve once properly scolded.
Jeffries added that Americans should feel honored to work until death so Washington can continue thriving.
As of press time the retirement age had been raised again after officials discovered someone briefly felt hopeful.
Tell Romney that will not work, and all his liberal Demorats. Bill Gates wants to eliminate 80% of the world’s population pinpointing North America as the first to go.
Work is not evil. Typical leisure-oriented retirement is a guarantee of early death. Use it or lose it.
Well ROmney is a half wit
Twice as good as a whole wit.
Romney has been a RINO Republican forever and hides in Socialist clothing!!
While I know this is in jest, I seriously doubt that I will be able to work past the current retirement age. I work inside an oil refinery. Climbing all the stairs and ladders I do now at 52 does not seem feasible at 67.
RINO not even relevant anymore. He quit so he needs to fade into obscurity!
I know this is satire, but somehow I wouldn’t be surprised if something along
those lines would actually happen. Romney feels so far removed and ignored
he wants to please the communist leaning Democrats. It’s known he has strong
communist leanings. That’s why Republicans have nothing to with him.