Reddit Protects Women’s Basketball by Banning Woman’s Name From Women’s Basketball Forum
INDIANAPOLIS, IN — Reddit moderators announced a major victory for open discussion Tuesday after protecting the WNBA subreddit from dangerous...
NYC Socialist Introduces ‘Biological Need’ Defense, Maserati Owners Immediately Hide Keys
NEW YORK CITY — Socialist lawmakers unveiled a revolutionary criminal justice concept Monday allowing residents to take anything they “biologically...
DSA Pays $100,000 for Early Trump Posts So They Can Be Outraged First
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Democrats reportedly rushed to subscribe to President Donald Trump’s premium Truth Social feed after learning $100,000 could...
Mamdani Reinvents Company Store, Assures New Yorkers Government Ownership Is Different This Time
NEW YORK CITY — Mayor Zohran Mamdani unveiled a revolutionary city grocery plan Tuesday that economists immediately recognized as the...
Psaki Furious New Press Secretary Came With Working Answers
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Former White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki reportedly became furious after journalists praised Karoline Leavitt, forcing Democrats...
Gen Z Moves Retirement Savings Into Sports Betting, Announces Parents’ Basement as Long-Term Asset
CHICAGO, IL — Gen Z investors announced they have discovered a revolutionary alternative to stocks, bonds, and homeownership: losing their...
New Yorkers Abandon DoorDash After Learning Fake Marriage Pays $30,000
NEW YORK CITY — Thousands of cash-strapped New Yorkers reportedly deleted DoorDash, Uber Eats, and every other side-hustle app after...
Newsom Celebrates as California Successfully Drives Hollywood Out of Hollywood
LOS ANGELES, CA — Gov. Gavin Newsom celebrated another major victory for California Tuesday after Paramount reportedly considered leaving the...
DSA Members Suddenly Identify as 10-Year-Olds After Hearing Meta Owes Kids $567 Million
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Hundreds of adult DSA members arrived at settlement offices Monday claiming to be unusually hairy 10-year-olds after...
Kamala Harris Discovers Clinton-Era Voting Law, Demands Investigation Into Whoever Passed It
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Kamala Harris reportedly demanded an emergency investigation after discovering federal law already prohibits noncitizens from voting in...
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