Progressive activists demanded sweeping changes to professional boxing Friday night after discovering the sport still involves actual punching, physical consequences, and a clear winner sources have confirmed
The outrage followed Anthony Joshua knocking out Jake Paul, an event that left liberal commentators visibly shaken after realizing the fight was not symbolic, choreographed, or resolved through dialogue.
Several activists expressed concern that the fighters appeared to be hitting each other on purpose, without first checking emotional readiness or political alignment.
Calls quickly emerged to replace boxing with more inclusive alternatives, including competitive journaling, interpretive sparring, and allergen-free pillow fighting using sustainably sourced materials.
One activist suggested future bouts be decided by who feels the most heard, noting that violence has no place in a sport literally designed around violence.
Others criticized the knockout as exclusionary, arguing it unfairly privileged strength, training, and stamina over vulnerability and lived experience.
Some admitted they initially celebrated Paul’s loss for political reasons, before panicking at the sight of real blood and asking why the referee didn’t immediately call a group therapy session.
Meanwhile, longtime boxing fans praised Joshua’s technique and Paul’s discipline, further confusing activists who had assumed athletic success was a social construct enforced by capitalism.
As of press time progressives were drafting a proposal to replace boxing gloves with consent forms and mandatory apology statements.
I can imagine two liberals mincing around the ring in their Tu Tu’s
In a related story…
Congressional Democrats are crafting a bill that will outlaw “ Thumb-wrestling “
on the bases that it may make other digits feel bad about themselves !
If there are no “winners” then they are all Losers. It’s still amazing that the Left scrambles to be the lowest, the worse, and the most pathetic….. The absolute dregs of society.
Unfortunately this would be true if the left thought they could get away with it. Love your sense of humor.
This is the same way they think. about the drug boats filled with cocaine coming out of Venezuela. Rather than blowing them out of the water we should stop them, read them their rights, bring them to America, try them in the liberal courts, give them legal representation, and then release them because of some technicality to continue their trips. Also fly them back to Venezuela and tow their boat filled with cocaine so they can make another run. After all we don’t want to offend them. They may be of another ethnicity or religion and we then would be racist! The problem with the world today is that the elite and indoctrinated liberals are running it! They don’t know anything about the real world outside of their safe and protected bubble! Camelot doesn’t exist! They just don’t realize that!
Old Roman fighting cage 2 men in one man out alive. Start with the democrat party. Two big mouths in one little mouth out alive. Now that’s entertainment.