Hollywood progressives announced this week that actress Zoe Saldaña’s personal interpretation of her blue CGI alien from Avatar has officially been elevated to binding moral truth, sources have confirmed.
Democrats immediately celebrated the development, praising it as a long-overdue breakthrough that finally gives them a chance to convince Americans to focus on something besides Tim Walz’s Minnesota scandal, their complete lack of healthcare solutions, and the uncomfortable fact that they still can’t talk about anything except President Trump.
Universities announced new majors in Na’vi Lived Experience Studies, while HR departments rushed to mandate sensitivity training for animated characters, robots, and household appliances suspected of harboring unregulated thoughts.
Left-wing activists clarified that the alien became racist the moment conservatives reminded everyone she’s fictional, forcing Democrats to declare her emotions symbolic and fund multiple MSNBC panels to process the trauma.
Sources say Hakeem Jeffries and Chuck Schumer were overheard praising Saldaña as the “savior of the minute,” noting the distraction would buy time to script their next “blame Republicans” speech ahead of their next big government failure.
Director James Cameron confirmed the next sequel will feature public apologies, wealth redistribution, and trees running federal agencies, all voiced by Bernie Sanders.
Conservatives responded by pointing out that healthcare still costs too much, which Democrats dismissed as dangerously reality-adjacent.
As of press time, Democrats were drafting legislation to regulate imaginary planets while issuing hourly statements condemning President Trump for existing.
