WASHINGTON — House Judiciary Chair Jim Jordan sent out subpoenas to health care executives after exposing what investigators are already calling “Obamacare’s All-Inclusive Donor Rewards Program,” sources have confirmed.
Remember back in December, when Chuck Schumer and Hakeem Jeffries were practically performing interpretive dance at their podiums, screaming that OBAMACARE SUBSIDIES WERE PURE, HOLY, AND ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY FOR THE VERY BREATH OF AMERICA?
Well, that was right before $94 million in “ghost patient” subsidies were discovered, apparently funneling taxpayer money straight into beachfront villas, superyachts, and a suspicious number of “leadership meditation retreats” in the Cayman Islands.
Now that the fraud is in the open, both Schumer and Jeffries have reportedly entered what aides call “Strategic Silence Mode,” while leftist media urgently switched coverage to a three-part documentary titled Why Asking Questions Is Literally Violence.
One MSNBC producer allegedly warned that even uttering the word “subpoena” would summon a demon of accountability.
Meanwhile, health care executives were spotted panic-buying burner phones, repainting their yachts, and claiming the entire scandal was “a harmless spreadsheet vibe issue.”
Democratic campaign committees reportedly canceled their annual “Thank You, Insurance Industry” gala after discovering the piggy banks were empty.
As of press time several execs were frantically googling “can you donate tropical islands to charity.”
