As the 2024 season approaches, Major League Baseball has announced an expansion to help make the game appealing to new fans: wild dogs that will be released on the playing field at indiscriminate times during the game.
“The pitch clock was just the first step,” said MLB Commissioner Robert D. Manfred, Jr., of the timer introduced last year meant to speed the traditionally slow-moving game up. “It got the pace going, but let’s face it; sports need a little more conflict and physicality to truly be top tier. That’s why we are introducing the wild dogs.”
Players weren’t enthusiastic about hearing of the new policy, that will see packs of local feral dogs released from one of several pens located around the playing field.
“Isn’t that kind of dangerous?” asked Atlanta Braves first baseman Matt Olson, last year’s home run leader. “Most of the guys weren’t pumped when they added the pitch clock last year, but at least we understood it. Gotta keep the product interesting for the fans. I didn’t realize how far they were going to take this. Am I allowed to fight the dogs or no? I don’t want to get PETA mad at me or anything. Gosh, this season is gonna be scary.”
As of press time, Major League Baseball announced a new partnership with FanDuel to gamble on what types of injuries players sustained from the wild dogs.
Alright! Combining the best features of the old Roman Colosseum games with MLB. The only way it could be better would be if they did that to pro-basketball.
hysterical …
Stopped watching as it seemed to get duller. Slower. And money going to waste. Now, this is the sport to watch at the coliseum for the same high entry price?! Total transformation! If we don’t know when/who lets the dogs out, we’ll be diapered and making predictions! I’m returning to @ stadium watching! Excellent idea!