As the holidays approach, perhaps the most stressful part of this time of year is the traveling involved for everyone to get together and celebrate. We here at The Daily Skrape have assembled this list of 10 handy travel tips that are sure to make your Christmas run a little smoother!
Free Travel
If you need to get across town and don’t feel like dealing with the snow, just stow yourself in an Amazon van when you see one parked. Then keep an eye out and hop out when you get to the desired neighborhood!
Santa Eats Free A Lot of Places
If your food budget is a little low, just don a traditional Santa Claus outfit and hit up restaurants until someone in the Christmas spirit hooks you up with some pancakes or something. It works sometimes.
Reindeer Are Magical Creatures That Can Fly On Christmas Eve
Head to the local pound and see if they captured any runaway reindeer this winter. You could save money on that flight to St. Louis!
Stay Safe
There’s a lot of weirdos out there. Carry pepper spray with you wherever you go, and be sure to use it on anyone you get a funny feeling about.
Stay Hydrated
To counteract the dry air on a plane, be sure to drink three gallons of water before boarding, and several more during the flight. Your neighbors will understand your constant need to get up and urinate.
Arrive To Airport Early
Between security, lines, parking, and unexpected hassles, it’s best to arrive at the airport a day or two before the flight departs. You can’t be too safe with this sort of thing.
Goodbye Luggage, Hello Cargo Pants
Forget checking bags, forget carry-ons. Just cram as much stuff into your pants as you can. You’re welcome.
Book Your Flight Early
If you haven’t made plans for Christmas 2028 yet, you’re throwing your money away. It’s probably best to book your tickets now.
Travel At Night
There’s less traffic in the middle of the night. And plenty of places to eat, if you don’t mind gas station hot dogs. (Please see next entry)
Don’t Eat Too Many Gas Station Hot Dogs
This one should be obvious, but you should really limit it to two or three a day during the holidays, if possible. Tempting as it may be, any more than that and you’re definitely going to get sick.
Don’t travel past your mailbox.
Eat lots of garlic so people will move away from you and avoid you while you wait in line at the train station or wherever there are lines of people in front of you.
hitch a ride with Santa….He goes everywhere! Hide in his bag of presents until you have arrived where you want to go or he is likely to dump you over the artic circle
I carry a fart machine and lines magically disappear! Best Amazon purchase I e ever made.