WASHINGTON — Unaware that her microphone was on and recording, Vice President Kamala Harris was caught earlier today spouting just some of the most incoherent shit you’ve ever heard, sources have confirmed.
“Today is about choice and doing the right thing for tomorrow,” Harris was overheard saying to aides in her private office, unaware that her bizarrely empty rhetoric was still transmitting. “If you have hope for tomorrow, then the little girls in the classrooms are gonna say ‘Hey,’ you know what I mean? It’s a great thing, and I think we all need to remember how great it can be to look at yourself in the mirror and really get out there and make a change for the things that we all know make us as people want to get out and there and do something but we can’t, you know?”
While some were shocked at the VP’s incomprehensible remarks, others have come to expect it.
“Wow, I’d say this could really damage her reputation, if her reputation was anything less than that of a complete idiot that is in no way qualified for a position of her magnitude,” said local hardware store owner Dan Burkell. “She says a lot of words that I know, but I don’t think I’ve ever understood a single sentence that lady has said. Have they thought about swapping her out in this next election? For someone that can think and talk?”
Young voters, however, were reportedly inspired by the remarks.
“Kamala Harris is so inspiring to me,” said Ayden Booker, a student at a nearby high school. “She shows that it doesn’t matter who you are, where you come from, or even if you have basic communication skills: you can be anything you want to be. I just think she’s the best. One day I hope to meet her and say some weird shit that doesn’t make any sense, as tribute.”
As of press time, when asked about her controversial statements, Vice President Kamala Harris just awkwardly laughed before being escorted away by aides.
