WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump waved the green flag at the Freedom 250 and accidentally triggered a Category 5 progressive emergency involving gasoline, bald eagles, American flags, and excessive public enjoyment, sources have confirmed.
Within seconds, activists began screaming about authoritarianism, climate justice, symbolism, and several other concerns nobody could hear because IndyCars were doing 180 miles per hour.
“This event represents a dangerous—”
VROOOOOOOOM.
“We cannot normalize—”
RAAAAAAAHHHH.
“Think of the carbon—”
BALD EAGLE SCREECH.
Kyle Kirkwood then won the race, forcing commentators to explain that sometimes the biggest political statement Americans make is simply having a good time.
A fictional environmental activist objected that green flags should symbolize sustainability, not internal combustion.
An engine started.
She vanished into tire smoke.
Trump later cruised in the Beast while spectators waved flags, ate hot dogs, and committed the increasingly controversial act of enjoying their own country.
Democratic strategists immediately scheduled an emergency hearing to determine whether patriotism had exceeded federally recommended levels.
One consultant suggested turning down the engines so voters could hear their complaints.
Race officials declined.
As of press time, the left was still shouting about the Freedom 250 while America revved louder and asked someone to pass the mustard.
If it ticks off the leftists, it’s a good day!
Need to rebuild country dirt tracks for raced… how about tractor pulls? Destruction Derbys? You know.. loud, noisy dirty FUN. Those would annoy them!
Need to rebuild country dirt tracks for races… how about tractor pulls? Destruction Derbys? You know.. loud, noisy dirty FUN. Those would annoy them!
We have those in
WISCONSIN
To the Libatards.. get a life. Let Freedom Ring and cut the crap. We are tired of your attacks. Life is to enjoy not scream at those who of us who cares about America. Move on and find go find another country who wants you! In other words, you’re a bunch of whinny babies. What’s it feel like being so hateful and programmed. God has won, you’ll never beat him at his game.