WASHINGTON, D.C. — Federal emergency sirens sounded across the nation Tuesday after Sen. Adam Schiff publicly agreed with President Trump, forcing scientists to investigate whether America had accidentally entered an alternate timeline, sources have confirmed.
The crisis began when Trump proposed federal incentives to bring film production back to America.
Schiff looked at the proposal.
Paused.
Then said, essentially, “Yeah, that makes sense.”
A coffee mug shattered somewhere at MSNBC.
CNN immediately cut to breaking coverage:
SCHIFF AGREES WITH TRUMP: WHAT HAPPENS TO GRAVITY NOW?
Several Democrats rushed outside to verify the sky remained attached.
One staffer reportedly shook Schiff by the shoulders.
“Adam, blink twice if MAGA has you.”
Schiff insisted he simply wanted Hollywood jobs back.
This created additional panic because agreeing on jobs, American production, and economic incentives violated several longstanding rules of cable television.
Republicans reacted cautiously.
“Don’t scare him,” one whispered.
“Maybe he’ll do it again.”
Hollywood executives immediately began calculating tax credits while pretending they had not spent the previous decade treating Trump like Voldemort with a golf membership.
Gavin Newsom reportedly stared into a mirror and practiced saying, “Trump has a point,” but suffered severe facial cramping.
As of press time, Washington remained under observation after Schiff admitted the President had a good idea and the Capitol dome somehow failed to explode.
