WASHINGTON, D.C. — Hunter Biden reportedly announced plans for a triumphant return to the art world this week, sending the Biden family scrambling through couch cushions, jacket pockets, and several Delaware garages for enough cash to keep the family collection growing, sources have confirmed.
Hunter recently said he averaged roughly $225,000 annually selling paintings while Joe Biden was president.
The market has apparently changed.
(Hunter): “Dad, interested in a new piece?”
(Joe): “How much?”
(Hunter): “Ten grand.”
(Joe): “What is it?”
(Hunter): “Three stick figures.”
For a moment, Joe reportedly achieved a level of financial clarity unseen since someone explained the price tag.
(Joe): “Ten thousand dollars? For three stick figures?”
(Hunter): “They’re interpretive.”
(Joe): “They’re expensive.”
Jill reportedly began Googling HOW MUCH IS A FARM WORTH QUICKLY?
Then Congress called.
Hunter enthusiastically agreed to testify.
(Hunter): “Sure. Can I bring paintings?”
(Official): “No.”
(Hunter): “Lobby display?”
(Official): “No.”
(Hunter): “Silent auction?”
(Official): “Hunter.”
Sources say he packed paintings anyway, plus two large canvases, a Square reader, and cards reading CONGRESSIONAL DISCOUNT: 10% OFF WITH SUBPOENA.
One senator asked about presidential-family business connections.
Hunter pointed toward a canvas.
(Hunter): “Have you considered owning that question in blue?”
As of press time, congressional security was explaining that the hearing room is not technically a gallery, even if Hunter is theoretically already performing.
