WASHINGTON, D.C. — America’s education system reportedly declared its greatest victory in decades Monday after AI finally made it possible to graduate students without anyone having to endure the increasingly outdated inconvenience of knowing things, sources have confirmed.
The new national curriculum contains just four subjects:
ASK AI.
COPY ANSWER.
CHANGE THREE WORDS.
DENY USING AI.
Math teachers were immediately reassigned after calculators complained they were tired of carrying the whole department.
One student asked what 9×6 was.
Three laptops opened.
A fourth began smoking.
Nobody panicked.
“That’s collaborative learning.”
The Scarecrow was named Secretary of Education after promising every child a brain would remain strictly optional.
Beavis and Butt-Head were hired to redesign testing.
(Beavis): “What’s a fraction?”
(Butt-Head): “Heh. Probably political.”
Districts also unveiled the new honor roll:
Gold: Knows Wi-Fi password.
Silver: Can attach a PDF.
Platinum: Successfully fooled an AI detector.
Teachers were assured their jobs remain safe because somebody still has to stop students from AirDropping memes during fire drills.
By spring, graduation requirements had been simplified to one question:
“Can you ask the machine?”
If yes, congratulations.
If no, administration will ask it for you.
As of press time, the valedictorian had forgotten his own name but generated a flawless 12-page explanation of why that was no longer academically relevant.
They do it now without AI
The Portland Oregon Idiocracy never needed AI to graduate students who are unable to read and to write coherently.
I’m reluctant to admit I live in Oregon. Portland used to be a beautiful city in a wonderful state. The Woke, crazy Democrats that have destroyed this state are unrepentant. They will destroy the entire nation if you let them. Get education back and get common sense back before it’s too late.