Progressive newsrooms declared a kindness emergency after discovering they’d briefly allowed a Trump administration employee to finish a sentence without being personally insulted, sources have confirmed.
The crisis followed Katie Zacharia’s debut briefing, which network executives reviewed with the compassion normally reserved for a printer jam.
“We believe everyone deserves grace,” one anchor explained, while producers lowered a ceremonial dunk tank behind her photograph.
“Except her. Roll the awkward pause again.”
An intern suggested judging Zacharia on her work rather than one difficult afternoon.
Security confiscated his journalism degree and escorted him past the BE KIND mural.
Executives assembled seventeen commentators to determine whether America could survive a spokesperson needing practice.
The panel included a host who’d spent twenty years interrupting guests and a correspondent whose last correction required its own parking space.
Zacharia, meanwhile, remained upbeat about serving President Trump.
This infuriated producers, who’d already purchased graphics depicting her fleeing Washington inside a rolling suitcase.
“She can’t just continue having a career,” one editor shouted.
“We booked the career funeral!”
Staff scrambled to find something sinister in her positive attitude, eventually labeling it “weaponized resilience.”
A proposed segment examining the administration’s policies was postponed because someone found another unflattering screenshot.
As of press time, the network had won its own empathy award and requested Zacharia’s reaction for mocking purposes.
After the way the Communist media fawned all over the incompetent Jen Psaki and the more
incompetent Karine Jean-Pierre, then immediately shit all over a well intending Katie Zachariah, I hope and pray that President Trump chooses to inflict them with the, my job is to kick some asses, Tomi Lahren !