Democrats unveiled an affordability plan Thursday that makes everything cheaper by requiring Americans to stop looking at what anything costs, sources have confirmed.
At the launch, a party spokesperson promised relief for struggling families while two aides wrestled a calculator into a soundproof box.
“Republicans are making you broke,” she declared.
The calculator printed another receipt.
“We’re not taking questions from machines funded by math.”
Trouble began when an accountant asked how expanded immigration spending fit the affordability message.
Staff immediately moved the decimal point into witness protection.
“That figure lacks context,” the spokesperson explained.
“Specifically, the context where you don’t see it.”
Democrats then introduced a revolutionary budgeting technique called Emotional Subtraction, under which expenses disappear whenever a senator feels sufficiently good about them.
A mother holding a grocery receipt asked whether supermarkets accepted good intentions.
Security escorted her to the Republican section, recently expanded to include everyone with a follow-up question.
Party strategists reassured donors that voters would embrace the plan once campaign ads explained their empty wallets were actually spacious.
One consultant proposed mailing every household a magnifying glass so smaller paychecks looked bigger.
The proposal received unanimous applause until someone asked about the trillions in projected costs tied to their open-border agenda.
“Please,” the spokesperson snapped.
“We’re discussing affordability. Keep the spending out of it.”
As of press time, Democrats had declared affordability achieved after replacing every dollar sign in the budget with a smiling heart emoji.
Oh. Brother, now Im sure democrats have completely lost it,.. replace dollar signs with emojis makes things affordable…in what fairytale world did all this dribble come from…
Will they be able to count using their fingers? I witnessed a co-worker using her fingers to count the number of years from 2025 to 2028. Scary!
I watched a clip of people gathering outside a Catholic church in Flint to support Abdul El-Sayed. I disagree with the ideas they’re backing: expanding government-funded health care, raising taxes on the wealthy, and moving away from capitalism.
Democrats are becoming America’s new cancer issue.
I believe people should take responsibility for their own lives instead of blaming successful people like Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk for their struggles. They built something remarkable. We should be asking what we can learn from their success—not tearing them down because they made it.