Hillary Clinton placed Matthew McConaughey on an independent-thinking improvement plan after discovering he’d been doing it independently, sources have confirmed.
“Alright, alright, alright,” McConaughey began.
Clinton approved the first two alrights but demanded the third be cleared through party leadership.
“You’re free to choose,” she explained, sliding him a ballot with every option covered except hers.
McConaughey leaned back.
“Are you upset I’m not following your directions, or that my GPS stopped mentioning you?”
An aide dropped a commemorative wineglass.
Clinton insisted this wasn’t about her relevance, then requested everyone pause while she checked whether she was trending.
She wasn’t.
A raccoon stealing mozzarella sticks had secured her spot.
The actor suggested voters might appreciate candidates who answered to ordinary people.
“Ordinary people?” Clinton repeated. “Who handles their donations?”
Her staff distributed a pamphlet titled Thinking for Yourself:
A Clinton-Approved Guide. Every page said ASK HILLARY.
McConaughey asked whether disagreeing with Democrats automatically made someone dangerous.
“No,” Clinton replied.
“It makes them disappointing. Dangerous comes after the second interview.”
An intern suggested winning independent voters by listening to them.
He was reassigned to listening to Hillary.
McConaughey departed in a Lincoln. Clinton demanded to know which party Lincoln belonged to.
As of press time, Clinton had endorsed freedom of choice, provided Americans selected from choices she’d made on their behalf.
Lincoln was the first candidate of the newly formed Republican Party, who’s platform included
the recognition of Federalism over States rights for the purpose of maintaining our newly formed Republic and ending the Democrat backed practice of slavery…
It’s both befitting that McConaughey would depart in a Lincoln ( and maybe not a Volkswagen let’s say, for obvious reasons ) and that Hilary Clinton wouldn’t have a clue of understanding why !
The fact that Hillary still thinks she’s relevant, and young people will listen to her is hilarious!
It’s funny how liberal say that Republicans are the party of prejudice and of the rich when all those qualifications kind of describe the Democratic party history like, segregation, etc. They should go back and read this country’s history.
It is I dunno why the dems keep saying that when they are just as rich or more so and ask for more money to campaign from the regular people who have no money
Even the subtle re-naming of the Democrat Party to the Democratic Party is more of the smoke screen and veil over what a democrat IS versus what they are trying to appear to be. It is more than embarrassing that those on the Left cannot, do not, and will not be truthful.