In what sounds like a rejected script from Stranger Things: Kremlin Edition, a declassified report claims a UFO attacked Russian forces after being shot down over a Soviet military base, sources have confirmed.
According to the account, alien beings emerged from the downed craft, merged into a single glowing entity, and then turned nearly an entire platoon of soldiers into stone—presumably for violating intergalactic airspace.
Only two soldiers survived the incident, likely because they were either on a smoke break or too busy hiding behind a vodka crate. The Soviet-era document, recently unearthed and now making the rounds in conspiracy circles, reads like a mash-up of War of the Worlds and a Cold War ghost story.
UFO experts, Kremlin watchers, and people with too much time on their hands are debating whether this was a genuine alien encounter or just an elaborate excuse for losing a tank during training exercises.
As of press time, Russian authorities have issued a warning to avoid shooting at glowing flying objects, unless soldiers are prepared to be turned into lawn ornaments.
