Washington, D.C. — An anonymous Democratic aide leaked a memo Sunday revealing that top Democratic leaders now officially consider themselves the “primary victims” of America’s major crises — including several scandals involving certain powerful “social acquaintances” they refuse to discuss — sources have confirmed.
Local D.C. residents immediately hailed the whistleblower as “the hero we didn’t know we needed,” with some even placing candles around a printed copy of the memo.
One resident said the aide “showed more courage hitting ‘send’ than the DNC has all year.”
The leaked memo, titled “Victimhood Priority Protocol,” instructs Democrats to treat every scandal as a direct emotional attack, even when it involves people who were actually harmed.
The memo includes tips like “use soft lighting” and “tremble slightly for authenticity.”
One section advises:
“If asked about real victims, pivot to blaming Republicans — especially President Trump and Vice President J.D. Vance. If cornered, claim trauma or begin crying theatrically.”
A GOP lawmaker responded dryly:
“There are people truly suffering. If Democrats wiped their crocodile tears and got to work, they might actually help them.”
The memo also warns members to avoid “triggering vocabulary” like responsibility or citizenship, which could “damage progressive emotional ecosystems.”
One progressive staffer whispered, “If adults act like adults, when do I stream on Twitch? I have fourteen followers.”
As of press time, several Democrats were reportedly auditioning for low-budget rom-coms and horror movies — but complaining the scripts were “too mean” because the love interest rejected them and the monster didn’t respect their boundaries.
Why is none of this a surprise???? We’ve been laughing about this shit for years now. You can tell when the memo goes out first thing in the morning to the entire left AND the media when the language, buzz words and main theme of whatever if being whined about that week is repeated over & over in exactly the same cadence and vocabulary!!! It hilarious!
This tactic by the Democratic Party and democrats has been going on since my interest in government politics began. Goldwater/Johnson. WW3 does this ring any bells?