MICHIGAN: Bernie Sanders unveiled a million-dollar check to fight the corrupting influence of million-dollar checks Thursday, sources have confirmed.
“Money has NO PLACE in politics!” thundered Sanders, struggling to fit the money through the politics entrance.
Abdul El-Sayed accepted the donation using insulated gloves because campaign staff warned that concentrated hypocrisy could blister.
“This isn’t wealthy people buying influence,” El-Sayed explained.
“This is influence receiving financial encouragement.”
Sanders announced that the rich must pay their fair share, then clarified that his share was currently visiting Michigan and shouldn’t be disturbed.
Asked where ordinary Americans fit into the arrangement, aides pointed toward a donation link.
The rally subsequently unveiled the party’s new slogan, “Democrats for Hypocrisy,” after a printer accidentally received the internal memo instead of the approved messaging.
Supporters applauded until staff explained it wasn’t supposed to be read aloud.
Meanwhile, Sanders demonstrated his commitment to redistribution by moving the check from his left hand to El-Sayed’s right.
“Already reaching another household,” he declared.
A taxpayer asked whether he could keep more of his paycheck.
Both men recoiled like vampires watching somebody open TurboTax.
“Who put that extremist in here?” demanded an aide.
As of press time, Sanders had condemned billionaires for treating democracy like a purchase, explaining that responsible millionaires understand it’s a down payment.
PERFECT. Bernie is the pure definition of the democrat socialist party… HYPOCRITE!
Bernie is the perfect Socialist…
Insisting that all hard working, America loving, Capitalists “ redistribute “ all of their hard earned money to him and the rest of his Socialist friends, so that they can “ redistribute “ it to all of their lazy, America hating, Communist and Islamist friends !
The Bern, born, raised in Brooklyn lived on a dirt floor and “found VT” to make money and the Libs obliged. His wife took $300K from a bankrupt college in Burlington that she orchestrated. Two peas in a nut shell (their heads).