After candidate opposing voter identification, Bob Brooks required supporters to prove their identities seventeen ways before entering his “Democracy Without Barriers” event, sources have confirmed.
Guests arriving at the rally were asked for a driver’s license, passport, birth certificate, dental records, report card, library card, and a notarized photograph of themselves holding that morning’s newspaper.
Campaign volunteers then compared fingerprints, inspected family trees, and asked each attendee to identify three cousins from a police lineup.
Anyone lacking documentation could establish identity by naming their kindergarten teacher and recreating their signature from third grade.
Brooks defended the precautions, explaining that identification requirements are oppressive during elections but become “safeguards” whenever somebody approaches the complimentary cheese tray.
One supporter was removed after her passport photo appeared “suspiciously younger.”
Another man was detained for claiming he lived at his own address without bringing two utility bills, a mortgage statement, and sworn testimony from his mailman.
Inside, attendees received color-coded wristbands, retina scans, ankle monitors, and a secret phrase required to visit the restroom.
Meanwhile, Brooks’ campaign manager insisted the event remained completely accessible because rejected guests could watch through a chain-link fence across the parking lot.
As of press time, one Brooks aid had declared voter ID unnecessary after successfully identifying every supporter by the barcode permanently stamped onto their forehead at check-in.
Democrats are the biggest hypocrites in the world. Don’t want border fences but live inside a gated one. Don’t want voter ID but will check your ID at the rallies. Anything to not piss off their voting base but will do the opposite. Still these Democrat supporter will vote for them. Hypocrites at best!