As a deadly wildfire burns in the northern Texas Panhandle and continues to grow, Democrats have announced their plans to deal with it, which center around hoping it will sort of just go away on its own, sources have confirmed.
“I agree that this fire is a very serious situation,” said President Biden, appearing in Texas after locals spent days pleading for him to address the blaze. “But I don’t think it’s as scary as Fox News is making it out to be. We just have to accept the fire into our communities. Some of you may lose everything you own along the way, but we’ve decided that’s no big deal. And if the flames are getting to you, make sure you’ve got plenty of ice cream on hand!”
“Plus,” he added. “If you think this fire is bad, just wait to see what happens if you get Trump back in there. Don’t ask me how, but the fires will be even worse.”
Locals were unenthused by Biden’s lackadaisical approach to the situation.
“Look, I don’t have all the answers,” said Mitch Holden, a local Texan that’d been displaced due to the growth of the wildfire. “But you have to do something! These problems aren’t just going to go away. And when we need ideas, all they can do is point to the last guy. Which look, I don’t think Trump’s ‘fire wall across the entire border’ would have kept every fire out of our country, but at least it was an idea, you know?”
As of press time, Democrats had hastily rushed through an emergency relief plan that involved dropping large bundles of cash on the fire from above.
