NEW YORK: DSA officials unveiled a Criminal Concierge Desk Saturday after discovering that “sanctuary city” did not come with complimentary immunity, sources have confirmed.
The desk offers luggage storage, getaway directions, and a mint while staff determine whether mentioning someone’s criminal record constitutes violence against their personal brand.
“We promised a welcoming environment,” explained a spokesperson.
“Then somebody rudely welcomed law enforcement.”
Under the proposed Victim Accountability Initiative, robbery victims must apologize for owning things that attracted entrepreneurial attention.
One man reporting a stolen bicycle received a citation for “displaying two wheels of privilege.”
A shopkeeper asking about shoplifting was instructed to consider whether stocking merchandise had created an unnecessarily tempting atmosphere.
“Have you tried being less robbable?” asked an advocate.
Chevalier proposed replacing background checks with affirmation circles, insisting a rap sheet was merely a résumé written by people who refused to see potential.
Meanwhile, the DSA unveiled its new justice system: suspects get benefit of the doubt; victims get a worksheet.
Asked why criminals needed special protection, one organizer explained, “If they’re busy answering charges, who’s attending our rallies?”
The concierge upgraded repeat offenders to Platinum Sanctuary, including late checkout and complimentary outrage whenever officers arrived.
As of press time, a burglar had filed a complaint against his victim for locking the door without first consulting impacted stakeholders.
That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard of thanks very cities are and lots of liberal socialists in a bunch of idiots they’re not in touch with reality they let criminals run free and think that nothing’s going to happen that’s where the stupidity comes from you liberals have no common sense social have no common sense the rich is just using them to get richer time to to shut these sanctuary cities down
This has to be a parody or some kind of sick joke. No sane person would take any of this seriously.
Crimes are still against the law and everyone has the right to exist peacefully and unmolested by criminals.
Concierge services like this should be shut down, and their operators and staffs should be held responsible for complicity in criminal activity, along with civilly for any damages caused by those they are aiding.
Put the tax money toward the victims, along with expedited processing of criminal.
WAKE UP VOTERS!