WASHINGTON, D.C. — Democrats reportedly rushed to subscribe to President Donald Trump’s premium Truth Social feed after learning $100,000 could buy them something priceless: the ability to become furious before everyone else, sources have confirmed.
The DSA immediately opened a Department of Pre-Outrage, staffing it with interns, lawyers, influencers, and one professional screamer whose only job is yelling “constitutional crisis” whenever Trump uses punctuation.
Every morning, alarms now flash: TRUMP POST INCOMING — 47 SECONDS EARLY.
Staffers dive under desks, cable hosts apply makeup, and attorneys begin drafting lawsuits before anyone knows what the post says.
Anderson Cooper reportedly called the arrangement shameful, then asked accounting whether CNN could expense the platinum tier.
MSNBC reportedly purchased two accounts in case the first subscriber became emotionally exhausted before lunchtime, which happened immediately.
One Democratic strategist questioned why progressives were paying Trump $100,000 per month to complain about Trump making money.
He was removed for unauthorized pattern recognition.
Trump then posted that he was considering joining the DSA.
Within seconds, socialists denounced him and simultaneously created Trump support posts, CNN booked 38 emergency panels, and AOC demanded a clarification task force.
Six minutes later, Trump posted, “Just kidding.”
Another billing cycle began.
As of press time, Democrats were demanding a congressional investigation into why Trump kept profiting from people voluntarily paying him to become angry faster.
Delightful take on the situation, I can actually visualize that happening. I am enjoying the site very much and this one has me laughing very hard.
DSA, Ya want to pay $100,000 to be the first to see what Trump says about you ?
Well, here’s one thing…
“What do you mean fuck me ?…
Fuck YOU !”
Now send me my money !
This is what the Mango Mussolini/Orange Menace/Tangerine Tyrant would label “FAKE NEWS”. You cultists are insufferably ignorant.