Judge Juan Merchan has expedited Trump’s sentencing date, aiming for a prime-time TV slot, sources have confirmed.
The decision, stirring controversy and applause alike, seems tailored to beat the season finales of major network shows, ensuring the courtroom drama pulls in blockbuster ratings.
Inside sources claim that Merchan’s calendar ‘mysteriously cleared up’ after a lengthy Netflix binge, inspiring him to create his own riveting series finale. “Why let ‘Game of Thrones’ have all the fun?” Merchan allegedly quipped, referencing the series’ notorious penchant for dramatic conclusions. Legal experts suggest this move could revolutionize court proceedings, turning tedious legal battles into must-watch television.
Critics argue the judge might be vying for a daytime Emmy, with plans for spin-offs including “Judge Merchan’s Verdicts” and a reality show featuring jury deliberations. Meanwhile, Trump’s legal team is reportedly considering their own counterprogramming strategies, including a podcast titled “Sentencing Without A Sentence.”
As of press time, television networks were said to be in a fierce bidding war over the live broadcast rights, with Judge Merchan rumored to be negotiating for his own dressing room equipped with prime-time lighting.
merchan is a schitt eater.