Progressive activists reportedly declared this week that police citing Home Alone star Daniel Stern for allegedly soliciting a prostitute proves law enforcement has completely lost its way, sources have confirmed.
According to activists, officers should immediately stop targeting beloved Hollywood figures and refocus on “actual threats,” such as conservative grandmothers sharing memes, dads misgendering cartoons, and anyone liking the wrong post before checking MSNBC.
“This is a gross misuse of power,” one organizer allegedly said.
“Daniel Stern is an artist. Facebook comments are violence.”
Supporters rushed to contextualize the incident using Stern’s iconic Home Alone role, explaining that Marv was never a criminal, just “misunderstood.”
“We’re the Wet Bandits,” one activist reportedly paraphrased.
“We take risks. Sometimes we get hurt. Sometimes we forget basic judgment.”
Joe Pesci was also blamed for “toxic co-star influence.”
Several commentators insisted Stern was the real victim, noting that police did not ask how capitalism, loneliness, or Reaganomics may have contributed.
“If Marv can survive paint cans to the face,” one pundit allegedly said, “he deserves grace.”
Meanwhile, activists demanded police reprioritize resources toward monitoring sarcasm, policing tone, and issuing citations for offensive eye-rolling.
As of press time, progressives announced plans to forgive Stern completely while demanding life sentences for unkind tweets.
If I would have known that Stern and Pesci were trying to rob that kid for hooker money I would have been more sympathetic for their characters. Not condoning… Just saying !
Don’t like the law? Write your representative. Don’t blame the police for doing their job.
what next? don’t attrest my actor who sniff little girls hair.And standing outside schools windows. picking in. Not making himself know to anyone . Excapt the FBI . He just doing what our good friend Biden doing. their our above the law . cause they voted Waltz.. Arrest a person that tell the truth about us. and only post smilely faces all day.