Chaos engulfed the shopping districts of most Maryland neighborhoods earlier today, as the governor pardoned over 175,000 marijuana users who quickly flocked to various fast-food restaurants, sources have confirmed.
“I’ve never seen anything like this,” cried exasperated McDonald’s manager Cody Parker. “I’ve pulled all-nighters, double shifts, you name it, but I’ve never had a line 220 cars deep. What the hell are we going to do? At this point, I’m calling people who used to work here to see if they feel like throwing on the apron for old time’s sake. Ugh, no way I get out of here by 8 tonight.”
Despite the massive length of the fast food lines, most of the newly freed marijuana users were undeterred by their long waits they faced.
“I spent my whole life waiting for marijuana to be legal,” said recently pardoned Rodney “Big Dog” Sanders. “I can wait a couple of hours for some McNuggets. Plus, did you know you can get weed delivered to you right here in line for the McDonald’s? What a time to be alive!”
As of press time, Maryland officials had declared an official state of emergency, and had urged people not to try to get fast food unless it was a life or death situation, or they were really, really baked.
What does going to McDonald’s have to do with the pardons. A mass celebration?
munchies after smoking weed