Following his unimpressive testimony in Donald Trump’s ongoing hush money trial this week, sources have confirmed that poor Michael Cohen got locked inside of the courthouse all weekend.
“Damn, does that sad-looking bastard ever catch a break?” asked one of the jurors in the trial, after hearing that Cohen had to camp out inside the courthouse all weekend. “Every time I ever see him he seems like he’s on the verge of tears and wants more than anything to make his first real friend. He also looks like he was just beaten up by neighborhood children every time I see him, too. I guess he’s like, a complicated guy. Did you hear that part of the testimony today where they talked about how he was being tormented by a 14-year-old? Poor guy. That really sucks he had to sleep in the courthouse all weekend.”
The unfortunate mishap occurred when Cohen used a bathroom after his testimony Friday and courthouse staff locked up for the night without realizing it.
“See, that’s the danger of selling everybody out and not having any friends,” said Rick Webber, the janitor who discovered Cohen early Monday morning, sleeping under a pile of newspapers. “Is that you end up coming to things like this alone, and no one is there to help when they lock up and you’re using the john.”
As of press time, Cohen had been alarmed by Webber and scurried into a back alley like a raccoon.
Good for the lying dastard!
Lol
What a tool.
He emulates the Biden Crime Family and he is the facet of his hand licking habit.
The political world is worse than swimming in a tank of sharks when it comes to friendships. In Cohen’s case, he likely was amongst the political who’s-who at one time, but he’s burned a lot of bridges. Once you dump on the elites, your toast. The problem now is whether the jurors will see him as a poor, beaten up victim instead of the lying, cheating, two-faced bastard he is.
I bet he was sleeping at the pelosi house probably with paul
He asked for this. He is a miserable piece of Shit!
He had no where else to go….
People better be watching what they’re sowing because it’s harvest time and if you don’t believe it ask ole Mike. I’ve always wondered why do these people do this stuff knowing eventually they’re gonna get caught and it’s gonna be very humiliating 🤷🏼♀️….just sayin
Why not let him have a nice clean jail cell? with just a couple of rats for pets? Oh that right they run from poison?