The American news cycle has been effectively monopolized by Rosie O’Donnell and her ongoing, high-intensity emotional response to President Trump, sources have confirmed.
A situation insiders describe as “loud, permanent, and somehow always breaking news.”
O’Donnell once again emerged from a self-declared social media hiatus to demand the 25th Amendment, citing Trump’s “mean energy,” excessive posting, and what she described as “the spiritual violence of confidence.”
Sources say Rosie now receives Trump notifications before they’re posted, thanks to what aides call a psychic-level fixation powered entirely by rage.
Despite repeatedly promising her therapist she’s done talking about Trump, O’Donnell reportedly broke that vow within hours, explaining in a made-up interview that “silence is violence, especially when I’m not speaking.”
Progressive activists rushed to defend her, arguing obsessive monitoring counts as resistance and insisting it’s Trump who’s obsessed, not the woman tracking his every move like a NORAD radar screen.
A few Republicans said they were too busy working to track every meltdown but noted O’Donnell now appears furious, again, at Trump for posting too much, a claim that confused observers given her habit of posting the same simple-minded outrage roughly a thousand times a day.
Republicans dismissed this as standard leftist logic.
Meanwhile, producers admit that between Rosie’s daily rants and Tim Walz’s recurring Minnesota explanations, they haven’t reported actual news in weeks.
As of press time, O’Donnell vowed to log off permanently after one final post explaining why she “absolutely, definitely isn’t gonna”.
Mental illness is nothing to laugh at but at this point she’s replaced the funny pages in most publications. You read what she says to get a good chuckle these days. It’s a good thing she’s in another country because no one knows what she’s capable of. You can imagine that in her mind she’ll one day make a triumphant return when Trump leaves office, but I don’t think she will last three or more years.
The oxymoron of the year: “leftist logic”
Perhaps Rosie should contemplate collecting belly-button lint.