NFL officials and executives announced their plans to amend the postseason overtime rules for the upcoming 2024-2025 NFL season so that if it comes down to a close one, the Chiefs will win no matter what, sources have confirmed.
“We don’t expect this to be a popular decision,” said NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, wearing a Taylor Swift T-shirt underneath his blazer. “But we feel we’ve done what’s best for the sport here, no matter what Joe Burrow and Josh Allen may tell you. We’re all really looking forward to a season of no-calls, baffling pass interference flags, and us generally looking the other way every time Kadarius Toney fumbles the football.”
Fans across the nation were upset, yet unsurprised, by the news.
“We all saw this coming,” said Denis Lloyd, a clinically depressed Buffalo Bills fan. “I’m not saying the league is necessarily scripted down to the letter, but it’s not hard to tell that the company whose broadcasts are covered in gambling advertisements doesn’t mind putting their thumb on a scale to make a few more bucks.”
The proposed rule also outraged many coaches across the league.
“Just absurd,” said San Francisco 49ers head coach Kyle Shanahan, who recently lost to the Kansas City Chiefs in Super Bowl 58, the highest rated broadcast of all time. “I wasn’t familiar with the postseason overtime rules before the Super Bowl. That’s true, and that’s on me. But once I read them over, they made sense and seemed fair at least. These new ones are crazy, though. People really need to wake up and realize what’s being done to the game we all love.”
As of press time, the NFL also announced that in the future all draws would be counted as wins for the Kansas City Chiefs, even games they did not appear in.
