WASHINGTON, D.C. — Former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi has reportedly been declared a “one-woman Federal Reserve” after economists confirmed her personal stock portfolio now outweighs the combined GDP of several small nations, sources have confirmed.
According to a leaked Treasury report, Pelosi’s investment activity has been reclassified as “a recurring monetary event,” with the NASDAQ reportedly fluctuating every time she clears her throat.
The White House reportedly asked her to “please stop sneezing during trading hours,” warning that “the average American can’t afford another Pelosi-induced market sweep.”
When questioned about her 16,930% return, Pelosi credited “intuition, divine guidance, and maybe a few leaked memos.”
She also announced plans to “help the economy” by launching a new cryptocurrency called PelosiCoin, which automatically buys defense stocks every time Congress declares concern for democracy.
Day traders across America celebrated the news, claiming that for the first time in decades, they “might actually stand a chance at making money without marrying into Congress.”
As of press time, the Department of Labor has reclassified Pelosi’s portfolio as “critical infrastructure,” with security guards posted around her brokerage account.
She ripped off the American people for decades. These politicians figure they are owed millions because their government pay was so low, Ya!!!!
Yes and now her daughter wants her/ Pelosi’s seat. With Newsom being Pelosi’s nephew. And the old drunk hag who robbed Americans. A family who destroyed everything they touched !
May God end her family and her presence in our government forever. Like Hillary Who is grooming her idiot daughter to run for President
Democrats are the satanic leeches that never leave
The democrats have nothing on the mob.