As the CDC warns of an impending outbreak, Pfizer has finalized the first government sanctioned vaccine for March Madness, which will be mandated for all players wishing to participate in the upcoming NCAA Division I men’s basketball tournament.
“Well that’s a little much if you ask me,” said reasonable local basketball fan Luke Cunningham. “March Madness isn’t a real disease, it’s just a fun thing we all get into every year. Leave it to Democrats, the pharmaceutical industry, and a bunch of scaredy cats to take the fun out of something like the tournament. I can’t believe they’re making people get vaccinated just to attend the games, too. Absolutely ridiculous.”
While some say its overblown, members of the CDC insisted the vaccine was developed with the safety of American athletes in mind.
“Sure, March Madness generally amounts to little more than a common hangover,” said CDC director Mandy K. Cohen. “But we haven’t been able to properly study the effects of Long March Madness. Did you ever realize how many of these guys don’t reach their full potential once they get drafted to the NBA? I think I might know why.”
As of press time, Moderna revealed it was close to a breakthrough on their Super Bowl Fever vaccine.
