Rosie O’Donnell Secretly Returns To U.S. After Realizing Valentine’s Day Still Exists Near Donald Trump

Federal authorities confirmed unusual airspace activity after Rosie O’Donnell quietly re-entered the United States, despite previously announcing she would never set foot in the country while Donald Trump remained president Sources have confirmed

Witnesses reported O’Donnell was last seen somewhere near NW 15th Street carrying a heart-shaped box and loudly insisting she was “absolutely not here for him,” while simultaneously asking passersby if they knew the quickest route to wherever the president might currently be located.

Paparazzi reportedly lost track of her after she ducked behind a florist, purchased twelve dozen roses “for protest purposes,” and rehearsed several speeches beginning with “I’m only saying this because I care.”

Political analysts say the return marks the most aggressive phase yet of what experts are calling a long-term bipartisan emotional conflict, noting O’Donnell has now threatened to leave the country seven times and returned eight.

Secret Service sources confirm no security breach occurred, though agents did briefly confiscate a card reading “To Don — ……. — Love, Not Love, Rosie.”

White House staff stated the president was unaware of the situation but did ask why a plane had been circling the property playing power ballads.

As of press time O’Donnell was reportedly denying everything while purchasing a larger heart-shaped box “strictly for closure.”