Trump’s New Plan: Terrorists to Fund U.S. Budget

Donald Trump has announced the creation of the External Revenue Service (ERS), a bold new agency tasked with collecting foreign money directly from terrorists, sources have confirmed.

This initiative, dubbed “Making Terrorism Pay for America,” aims to turn the tables on global terror by tapping into their financial resources.

“We’re going to make terrorists pay us,” Trump declared at the unveiling. “If they’re going to use our internet, they might as well pay for it!” The ERS will operate under the premise that if terrorists are funding operations against the U.S., they can certainly afford to contribute to its budget deficits.

The agency will be staffed by a special task force trained in high-stakes negotiation and extreme couponing, techniques deemed essential for dealing with tight-fisted terrorist financiers. Trump has touted the ERS as a win-win: “It’s simple. They fund less terror, we fund more tax breaks!”

Critics have called the plan unrealistic and ethically dubious, but supporters argue it’s a creative solution to curb terrorism and budget woes simultaneously.

As of press time, the Treasury Department was reportedly Googling “how to invoice a terrorist,” while the ERS was setting up its first PayPal account.