Trump’s TikTok triumph is imminent, sources have confirmed.
In a dazzling display of deal-making, President Trump announced the U.S. is “pretty much” finalizing a TikTok acquisition, ensuring the app’s patriotic glow-up.
Sources close to the White House reveal Trump’s masterstroke involves rebranding TikTok as “FreedomTok,” complete with star-spangled filters and a ban on “woke” dance trends.
Negotiations reportedly include a clause mandating all users salute the flag before posting.
Critics argue this is a distraction from economic woes, but Trump insists it’s a national security win, claiming, “China’s not getting our viral dance moves!”
Insiders say the deal hinges on a mysterious “MAGA algorithm” to boost pro-American content, like bald eagle montages.
The Biden camp, still reeling, called it a “publicity stunt,” while TikTok teens fret over losing their lip-sync safe space.
As of press time, Trump was reportedly choreographing a victory dance for FreedomTok’s launch.
Hurrrrrrray.
Humor is human and fun!
He’s a idiot LOL😂🤣
He’s one of the smartest idiots I’ve ever seen…MAGA
That’s not say much.