INGLEWOOD, CA: A lost Ravens fan joined a senior citizen Broncos brawl Sunday after mistaking two retirees fighting over a seat cushion for Baltimore’s traveling welcome committee, sources have confirmed.
The trouble began when Denver fans attempted to confront Chargers supporters but couldn’t locate any.
“We found Sue and Tim,” explained retired forklift operator Earl Jenkins. “Both worked concessions. Sue sold us nachos. Tim asked if we needed our parking validated.”
Unwilling to waste outrage, Earl punched his brother Dennis, whom he’d already disliked since Thanksgiving 1994.
Witnesses described the ensuing melee as “shuffleboard with aggravated intentions.”
One combatant paused to adjust his knee brace. Another demanded everyone stop until he found his hearing aid, then resumed swinging at the wrong orange jersey.
The man wearing Lamar Jackson’s number eight entered confidently.
“I saw purple bruises and assumed we were home,” he explained.
SoFi officials dispatched a conflict resolution specialist who asked participants to acknowledge their privilege before throwing another punch.
Earl acknowledged his AARP discount.
Security eventually separated the men by announcing that someone had moved their Buicks.
The Ravens fan remained behind, demanding directions to Dundalk and accusing California of hiding Baltimore behind a toll road.
As of press time, the retirees had reconciled after discovering stadium beers cost more than their first mortgages, immediately forming a militia.
