A Democratic mayor in New Jersey has officially checked in at the newly opened “Progressive Returns Counter,” sources have confirmed.
The service was created to accommodate party members overwhelmed by the endless recalls, contradictions, and ideological defects of the modern left.
The mayor wheeled in his sanctuary city policies, complaining that they came “pre-broken” and only seemed to benefit themselves.
Customer service announced a 30-day return policy on progressive ideas — because that’s about how long they last in the real world.
After filling out a standard refund slip titled Form WOKE-404: Promise Not Found, he promptly announced his endorsement of Republican Jack Ciattarelli for governor. Ciattarelli welcomed the support, noting that “the return line is only going to get longer once people realize socialism doesn’t even come with batteries.”
Progressives, meanwhile, panicked at the sight of their own mayor crossing the aisle, with one activist insisting, “You can’t return ideas — even when they don’t work!”
Another customer in line tried to return inflation but was told it was “non-refundable since everyone technically paid for it.”
The mayor, however, was blunt: “If Democrats want to sell utopian nonsense, they can do it on the clearance rack. I’m not buying.”
As of press time, the Progressive Returns Counter had run out of shelf space, mostly due to mass drop-offs of inflation, crime, and student loan forgiveness.
New Jersey sees the “Light” – finally.