NEW YORK, NY — Bill Maher accidentally uncovered the Democratic Socialists of America’s final policy objective after learning that apparently every American holiday is problematic, sources have confirmed.
Party officials immediately unveiled the No Joy Act, eliminating Thanksgiving, Christmas, Halloween, Valentine’s Day, Independence Day, birthdays, anniversaries, and any Tuesday where someone appears suspiciously happy.
“Celebration creates inequality,” explained one DSA organizer.
“Some people receive better presents.”
Francesca Hong was appointed Secretary of Holiday Abolition after consultants determined she possessed the rare ability to find systemic oppression inside a pumpkin.
Thanksgiving was canceled for colonialism.
Christmas was eliminated for religion and aggressive desk decorations.
Valentine’s Day was abolished because capitalism weaponized chocolate.
Halloween was suspended until every costume receives approval from a 47-member sensitivity committee.
The Fourth of July was naturally unacceptable because independence encourages dangerous self-reliance.
Americans responded with one question:
“Who hurt you?”
Investigators initially suspected capitalism, landlords, or Christopher Columbus, but ultimately traced the hostility to an unsweetened soy latte and an emotionally unavailable block of tofu.
Maher reportedly stared silently at the platform before asking whether these people had ever tried enjoying anything.
The DSA called the question violence.
As of press time, Party City had filed for bankruptcy after discovering its entire customer base had been declared problematic.
We all know what it’s going to take to get these nuts out of our country. It’s going to take the public to put them out by force.
Loved it!
Great once again. Every day I get to laugh!
( Wow, Bill Maher has final pulled his head out ! )
CELEBRATE !
What a great word ! What a great concept !
I can’t think of another place anywhere in the world that posts more different kinds of days for
more people of more different kinds of backgrounds to take the opportunity to CELEBRATE !
Talk about equity and inclusion !
Each of us comes from a different kind of background, and yet here, on ANY given holiday, we ALL celebrate that day with our friends of that particulate background without giving it a second thought ! What a wonderful and inclusive thing for us all to do together as human beings and Americans ! My entire life, whenever there was an holiday, every family in the neighborhood would be at someone’s house of that particular background celebrating their holiday ! For example, at Christmas, all the Jewish kids would be at their Christian friend’s house exchanging gifts under the tree ! At Chanukah, those same Christian kids would be at their Jewish friend’s houses exchanging gifts under the light of the Menorah ! It was just like that no matter what the holiday. It was all just another opportunity for everyone to get together and CELEBRATE ! And never mind just Americans…
This last July 4th, on our nations 250th birthday, I went to see fireworks with a group of friends, half of which were not even born here ! Half of that group were new U.S. citizens, and the other half were working towards it ! They ALL were expressing how grateful they were to have the good fortune to be here pursuing their happiness ! They were CELEBRATING louder than any of us who were born here !
Make no mistake about this…
The Communists who have infiltrated the Democrat party only want you CELEBRATING one thing. It’s not YOUR holiday ! It’s not your FRIENDS holiday. It’s THEIRS, it’s THEM ! They want you to celebrate their Communism ! They want you to celebrate their eliminating everyone’s background and culture, including yours ! They want you to celebrate not sharing yourself with your friends, or your friends sharing themselves with you ! They want to force everyone to give up all of their own holidays and celebrate only their Communist holiday, THEM !
There isn’t a more self centered, egomaniacal group of tyrannical human beings ( being polite )
on this planet, and I would advise all to do everything you can to stop them from stealing your your money, your culture, your self respect and your rights, including your right to CELEBRATE !
Your last paragraph says it all! Self-centered, self-important & narcissistic ppl with fantasies of power & control! Its all about them & NOT about us. Communism has Never worked & has caused unimaginable misery to citizens! Research communism. Its based on lies to obtain power.
All I can say is, you can not fix stupid. And here I mean the people that vote for these people that actually belong in an insane asylum. Remember this saying, if a politician is out for himself, he/she will tell you what you want to hear, if a politician is working for you, he/she will tell you what you need to hear. It may not be pretty, but it is real.
Evidently, by what I am seeing lately, to many people are believing the lies because there is one magic word these politician use and that is the word FREE. You tell a person it is free, they will do what ever want.