CHATHAM, NJ — A New Jersey school district reportedly unveiled a revolutionary parenting model this week in which mothers and fathers remain responsible for feeding, housing, transporting, clothing, insuring, and disciplining their children, but may need guidance-department approval before becoming unnecessarily involved, sources have confirmed.
Parents immediately received a new 47-page form titled:
REQUEST TO KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON WITH MY OWN KID.
One father asked whether he could ground his son from Xbox.
A counselor frowned.
“Was that punishment reviewed by the Student Lifestyle Coordination Committee?”
“I bought the Xbox.”
“Please stay on topic.”
Teachers then held a three-hour meeting about parental boundaries while unfinished algebra worksheets quietly achieved seniority.
One administrator proposed another training session.
A math teacher raised her hand.
“Can we maybe teach fractions?”
Security was notified.
The district also introduced a Parental Involvement Traffic Light:
Green: Buy groceries.
Yellow: Ask how school went.
Red: Apparently anything requiring actual information.
Meanwhile, New Jersey parents discovered they were still legally expected to pay taxes funding the entire operation.
“That seems convenient,” one mother said.
Officials assured everyone the system was designed to protect students.
As of press time, parents were still permitted to attend graduation, provided guidance first determined they needed to know it was happening.
Are you crazy 🤪
I can’t believe I am reading this. Homeschool should put these jerks out of business
Somebody seems to have been in a coma the last 10 years.
I’m not asking ANYONE if I can do ANYTHING concerning MY CHILD!
The school district has lost their minds.
If any parent approves this bull~~it they are part of the problem.