NEW YORK CITY — After being told he could not play in the WNBA, Enes Kanter Freedom reportedly responded with the confidence of every rejected applicant in history by asking to speak directly to the manager and then applying for the manager’s job, sources have confirmed.
“Fine,” Freedom allegedly said.
“If I can’t make the roster, give me the league.”
WNBA officials immediately panicked.
“This is outrageous.”
“Why?”
“He wants to change the rules.”
“Aren’t we still debating what the rules mean?”
“That is completely different.”
Freedom then unveiled his fictional commissioner platform:
Women play in the women’s league.
Men play in the men’s league.
Everyone gets paid.
Everyone gets promoted.
Nobody needs a 900-page eligibility flowchart.
League consultants reportedly stared at the document in horror.
“It’s only one page.”
“Where are the task forces?”
“There aren’t any.”
One executive fainted.
Progressive activists quickly accused Freedom of excluding people from a league literally named after women.
Freedom responded by pointing slowly at the giant W in WNBA.
Security covered it with a diversity banner.
As of press time, Freedom had been rejected as player, commissioner, mascot, ball boy, popcorn vendor, and anyone else capable of asking what the league’s eligibility rules actually mean.
This would be the very best thing that could happen to the WNBA
The wnba is a disaster! They have the greatest thing since michael Jordon bobby hull babe Ruth shoei ohtani tom Brady bobby Orr and every other great athlete and they are messing it up. A Caitlin clark comes along once in a life time. Even the thugs and the biased refs the woke league can’t shut her down!!!!!