Brooklyn Democrats have converted their leadership dispute into a sibling fight over who Mom likes best, sources have confirmed.
The feud began when party chair Rodneyse Bichotte Hermelyn grabbed the remote control and announced that everyone could vote on the channel, provided she selected the voters, counted the ballots, and kept the remote afterward.
Chuck Schumer shouted, “Mom said it’s my turn,” while Hakeem Jeffries produced a schedule proving he outranked everyone on weekdays. Neither could explain why two of America’s most Democrats were standing outside their clubhouse ringing the doorbell.
Inside, reformers accused party leaders of changing the rules during the game. Leadership denied this, explaining that Monopoly has always allowed the banker to add 600 cousins, consultants, and a guy named Vinny to the voting committee.
The argument escalated when one faction hid the convention credentials, another unplugged the Wi-Fi, and a third threatened to tell Nancy Pelosi who broke the lamp.
A mediator was summoned but fled after discovering every participant had written a definition of democracy.
Republicans observing from across the street considered sending help, then realized the Democrats had formed committees to decide who was allowed to accept it.
As of press time, Brooklyn’s Democratic machine remained operational after replacing its steering wheel with seventeen gavels and assigning every passenger the title of driver.
