NEW YORK, NY — A New York priest reportedly announced that Jesus was transgender this week, forcing 2,000 years of Christianity to admit it had apparently misunderstood its own central figure until Manhattan finally cleared things up, sources have confirmed.
Parishioners immediately opened their Bibles.
(Parishioner): “It says Mary gave birth to a son.”
(Priest): “That’s the old version.”
“Old version?”
“Pre-update.”
Within minutes, the church unveiled SCRIPTURE 2.0, a progressive theological software package promising to automatically replace any ancient teaching that survives longer than the average TikTok trend.
A technician warned worshippers not to unplug Christianity during installation.
Apparently Leviticus was already buffering.
One elderly man asked whether Jesus calling himself the Son of Man presented a problem.
Three assistant rectors tackled the question with a 94-slide PowerPoint titled:
WORDS ARE COMPLICATED WHEN THEY’RE INCONVENIENT.
Outside, New York continued operating normally.
A socialist demanded free rent.
A cyclist ignored every traffic law.
Someone charged $27 for toast.
Nobody looked up.
Church leadership then announced that doubting the new interpretation meant doubting Christ’s divinity.
One seminarian whispered:
“That escalated quickly.”
He was reassigned to incense.
By afternoon, theologians were reviewing whether the Apostles needed retroactive diversity training and whether Noah’s Ark had sufficient HR documentation.
As of press time, the Vatican had reportedly placed New York theology on airplane mode until further notice.
Maybe Pastor Klink is taking a cue from Texas Senate candidate James Talarico’s similar campaign position, and he’ll declare his candidacy to become Senator from New York, trying to oust Chuckles Schumer. Klink couldn’t be any worse than Schumer so maybe it’s a win-win proposition.
Call the Romans. Time for a scourging
Lol!! New York libtards. Theys ain’t got a lick of sense.
Seems to me these people just ain’t Chrisrian.
Wow! The so call tranny priest just hopes and prays that Jesus was just like him. What a way to try to brainwash the dumb people to make the rainbow people feel proud for once instead of being labeled mentally disturbed, which they truly are.
Why not identify priest as Episcopal rather than leave obvious impression he is Catholic?
There is enough things to poke fun at about Catholics, so no need to mislead like this
I think someone put crazy stuff in New York’s drinking water! They don’t seem to possess a lick of sense! Always acting and looking Crazy!
The City needs a good fire and brim stoning!
These left leaning apostate “priests?” need to repent and ask God’s forgiveness, and turn from their wicked ways before they find themselves nothing more than a fool being controlled by far left ideology, while they blaspheme God’s Word.
The only way to the Father is through His Son Jesus the Christ
NO ONE WHO HAS A HEAD WITH REAL BRAIN CELLS IN IT COULD EVER CAME UP WITH A STATMENT LIKE THIS! WHAT KIND OF A CATHOLIC PRIEST IS THIS PERSON, THAT WHO COULD ACTUALY FORMED A STATEMENT LIKE THIS?
HOW VERY, VERY SAD IT IS FOR OUR BELOVED “HOLY CATHOLIC & APOSTOLIC CHURCH” THAT WE HAVE PREISTS WHO THINK LIKE THIS?
A Virgin Birth would leave a XXX chromosome, a Super Female??
That explains the “Peace & Love” vibe & super white, blue-eyed beauty??
Please note *This is NOT a Catholic priest!!*
Don’t mislead people with the reference to the Vatican.
An obvious reference to Rev. Flourish Klink who is an Episcopal priest, not Catholic. Mention of the Vatican I find deliberately and offensively misleading.
How could anyone be Transgender 2,000 years ago? There were no doctors around to perform the necessary treatment. So Jesus had a reconstructed pecker from her original vagina and boob implants?
beware of wolves in sheep’s clothing! False teachers!
SOME HERE DON’T SEEM TO UNDERSTAND THAT THESE POSTS ARE SATIRE. THERE IS NO SANE PERSON SAYING OR BELIEVING THIS STUFF. THEY ARE SPOOFING THE LIBERALS BY CARRYING SOME OF THEIR IDEAS TO THE RIDICULOUS. LAUGH AND ENJOY BUT DON’T GET PUSHED OUT OF SHAPE.
Oh, but there IS someone saying it
look it up