WASHINGTON, D.C. — Sen. John Kennedy reportedly warned Americans Friday that socialism had returned wearing fresh sneakers, carrying a reusable water bottle, and insisting nobody remember anything that happened before TikTok, sources have confirmed.
Kennedy pointed toward the Berlin Wall.
(Kennedy): “When that thing came down, which direction did everybody run?”
A young activist checked Google.
“Can we focus on the future?”
Kennedy sighed.
Somewhere, Mary Poppins felt a disturbance in the wind.
Winds in the east… something familiar is coming.
Political consultants immediately unveiled SOCIALISM 7.0, promising this version would finally work because it includes better fonts, oat milk, and an app.
Critics opened the historical manual.
“Hey, this looks familiar.”
“That’s misinformation.”
“It literally says Soviet Union.”
“Old misinformation.”
Kennedy reportedly demonstrated the concept using two doors:
FREE MARKET
and
GOVERNMENT CONTROLS EVERYTHING
Everyone advocating Door Two immediately asked whether Door One had better jobs.
Economists began laughing.
Campaign strategists demanded they stop.
Officials then reassured voters that modern socialism bears absolutely no resemblance to previous versions because this one comes with influencers.
Kennedy stared at them for several seconds.
(Kennedy): “Son, putting avocado toast on a bad idea doesn’t make it breakfast. It just makes the bad idea cost $19.”
The room reportedly required a moment.
As of press time, socialism had been sent back to the branding department after Kennedy asked whether anyone had finally figured out why the wall needed guards facing inward.
They aren’t smart enough to know what socialism means. They want to define it as what they want, and don’t want: no full time jobs, government supplied housing, gov supplied cash, phones, drugs, health care, vacations, automobiles, high incomes, free education where AI will take their tests for them, all of this supplied to the whole world, at no cost to them. Frustrated non launchers. Bring down all borders and appoint good people to run the world. They are our children. Yours and mine and they haven’t a clue what fascism means except what they are told…by our other children online anonymously. Are you getting it now?
I lived in a totalian county. I saw first hand the Islamic mindset. They are not a religion of peace. Then I lived in west Germany when the Berlin Wall came down. Everyone came west. No one went east. We just visited East Europe and every person we spoke to warned the US about communism. They hated living under it and lost a lot of folks revolting just a few decades ago. So let the people listen to those of us that are proud of our country and love being a free American citizen every day! You tell everyone Senator Kennedy. I hope you can get to those of our children who do not believe their parents.
Anybody in this country supporting socialism needs badly to be deported to a socialism country.
They dont belong here. They are part of what’s wrong with this country now. And I sincerely hope they burn in Hell
NO MATTER HOW THEY SPIN IT.. IT ALWAYS ENDS THE SAME WAY… POVERTY FOR THE MASSE..IT’S BEEN TRIED MANY TIMES AND ENDS THE SAME WAY..POVERTY..WHY DO YOU THINK PEOPLE WANT TO LEAVE A COUNTRY THAT HAS COMMUNISM/SOCIALISM ?? YOU DO NOT HAVE ANY FREEDOM !! KIDS TODAY HAVE BEEN BRAINWASHED TO BELIEVE CAPITOLISM DOESN’T WORK.THE PEOPLE PUSHING COMMUNISM MADE THEIR MULTI MILLIONS FROM CAPITOLISM…THESE KIDS HEAR THE WORD “FREE” AND THAT GETS THEIR ATTENTION..”FREE” IS NEVER FREE…THEY NEED TO RESEARCH CUBA PRIOR TO CASTRO !! NO COMMUNIST SHOULD BE IN OUR POLITICS EVER..IF YOU DON’T LOVE OUR COUNTRY LEAVE NOW !!