Mark Ruffalo celebrated Democratic victories by circulating a petition urging House Democrats to reject Hakeem Jeffries as speaker, giving Team Blue approximately eleven minutes to enjoy being on his good side, sources have confirmed.
At a watch party, Ruffalo reportedly hugged three campaign volunteers before asking who Democrats planned to put in charge.
One volunteer said “Jeffries” and immediately noticed that Ruffalo’s watch had gotten much tighter.
“Mark, remember your breathing,” said his publicist.
“I’m breathing,” Ruffalo said, through a section of drywall.
The transformation briefly stalled at teal.
His publicist called it a messaging problem.
A Marvel makeup artist said that’s what happens when you put green over six months of blue.
Campaign staff tried to calm him down by explaining that House Democrats get to pick their own leader.
Ruffalo asked when they’d decided to give elected officials creative control.
His petition picked up steam after a volunteer placed it beside a stack of parking validation slips.
By dessert, eleven Democrats and a man delivering mozzarella sticks had called for new leadership.
A Republican across the hall offered Ruffalo a spare shirt. He accepted it, checked the tag, and asked if it came in a less bipartisan size.
As of press time, the Hulk had endorsed the Democratic Party’s next victory, pending a chance to read the cast list.
