Democrats celebrated their midterm gains for eleven minutes before Rosie O’Donnell announced she might return to New York, prompting several campaign volunteers to ask whether they could have their stickers back, sources have confirmed.
From Dublin, O’Donnell began packing for what she called a new chapter in American democracy.
She was halfway through wrapping a framed map of the blue wave when an airline agent asked whether she knew President Trump was still in office.
“Then what the hell was everybody cheering for?”
“House seats, ma’am.”
“Can you put me in one with extra legroom?”
New York broadcasters immediately dusted off the emergency plan they’d written the last time a celebrity threatened to leave and then discovered America still had television.
Under the plan, every station would air footage of a rotisserie chicken until the danger of a twelve-part homecoming interview had passed.
One Democratic strategist called the return a sign that America was healing.
Asked if he’d pick her up at JFK, he said healing couldn’t happen overnight.
Back in Dublin, the airline weighed O’Donnell’s luggage and asked her to remove eight pounds of grievances.
She removed a sweater and asked to speak to a Democrat.
As of press time, the rotisserie chicken had booked a second season after testing better with independents.
don’t jump and run yet Rosie bc they not going to be in office for very long!!! stay put! I tried to warn you!
Should cancel her passport and keep her wherever she was