HOLLYWOOD — In what experts are calling the first good news to escape the entertainment industry in years, an AI company reportedly struck a deal to resurrect Stan Lee’s voice and likeness, giving America hope that superheroes might once again do something radical like fight evil, save people, and entertain audiences, sources have confirmed.
The joy lasted roughly 14 seconds.
Progressive activists immediately formed the Committee For Equitable Hero Distribution, demanding AI Stan Lee stop saying outdated things like “with great power comes great responsibility” and replace them with “with any amount of discomfort comes a taxpayer-funded healing journey.”
“We can’t have one hero saving the day,” said one Disney consultant wearing a cape made of sensitivity notes.
“That creates hierarchy. Everyone must be the hero, the villain, the victim, the writer, and the emotional support raccoon.”
AI Stan reportedly attempted to pitch a classic story about a brave team defeating a cosmic villain, but executives interrupted to ask whether the villain had been given enough space to share his truth.
Early test footage showed AI Stan smiling, saying “Excelsior,” and then being dragged into a 19-hour DEI rewrite meeting.
Marvel fans briefly cheered until learning the new film would feature 47 lead characters, no clear villain, and a third act where everyone defeats capitalism through group journaling.
As of press time, AI Stan Lee had escaped the server, written one coherent superhero movie, and vanished before Disney could add a nonbinary multiverse therapy goblin.
Great satire! But its properly true.