WAUKEGAN, IL — Illinois election officials were relieved this week to discover that the state’s mail-in voting system works perfectly, as long as dead people remember to get caught before their ballots are counted, sources have confirmed.
The discovery came after a Democratic alderman was accused of submitting her deceased mother’s vote-by-mail ballot, giving officials a rare opportunity to test whether “one person, one vote” still applies after the funeral.
Progressive activists immediately warned Republicans not to overreact.
“This is exactly why we oppose strict voter ID,” said one activist while clutching a stack of ballots and a Ouija board.
“Requiring voters to have a pulse is exclusionary, outdated, and frankly disrespectful to Illinois tradition.”
When questioned, the alderman reportedly explained she was simply honoring her mother’s final wishes after hearing a ghostly voice whisper, “Vote blue, sweetheart.”
Democrats insisted the incident proves the system works because the ballot was caught before being counted, which is apparently the electoral equivalent of saying the bank vault is secure because the robber tripped on the way out.
Party officials denied any broader concerns about mail-in voting, voter rolls, or the growing political influence of the afterlife.
As of press time, Democrats were proposing a compromise: deceased voters may continue casting ballots, but only if they turn themselves in afterward.
It flies in the face of common sense that certain states or reliably Red or reliably Blue. It makes no sense that
all Democrats and all Republicans in the House of Representatives vote 99% of the time in lockstep with how the leadership tells them to vote. Our political system is flawed and broken, and dead people voting is the least of our problems.
There’s 1000’s of dead people on the voter rolls have been discovered by the states that have cooperated with cleaning up their rolls. That could make a difference in many instances in the voting outcomes. The states that aren’t complying have something to hide – dead people voting, illegal aliens voting, people double voting (or more). ineligible felons voting, under 18 voting, voter impersonators have voted. Any one by itself is a problem. Multiple fraudulent votes are a huge problem. Those that are against cleaning the voter rolls don’t want the fraudulent votes to be discovered. That’s the only way they can win.
AMENZ, well said!
It makes no sense that some states are reliably Red or reliably Blue. It makes no sense that 99% of the time Democrats and Republicans in the House of Representatives vote in lockstep with how their leadership tells them to vote. Our political system is broken and dead people voting is the least of our problems.
Not so Tuna. Improprieties in the voting rolls and less than legal, secure voting being maintained are the crux of the situation you describe. They are a large part of the reason these political hacks return to office term after term!
Aren’t most voters dead?
I believe this is how the deep state swamp has been operating for years. Now they’re getting caught all over this country! Ever wonder how people like Eric Swalwell (Sleeps with and employees CCP Spy’s), Maxine Waters (“Impeach 45” with no reasoning or cause) and Nancy Pelosi (“We have to pass the bill so that you can find out what is in it, away from the fog of the controversy.” referring to the Affordable Healthcare Act) keep getting elected after years of repeated failures as legislators. Just go on line and look at some of the quotes from these idiots.
Do you really think Joe Biden won the 2020 presidential election while trailing by double digits when the poles closed?? Statistically Impossible!! In 2024 the democrats (Dumocrats or Demon Rats) ran a presidential candidate (Kamala Harris) who did NOT receive a single delegate’s vote. These ‘Blue State’ shysters have rigged the systems to never lose. All my examples are from Kalifornication. We seem to be leading the way with corruption and stupidity.
I’m almost certain that corruption doesn’t have a political party preference!
Peter has got it right !!!
CHEATING ,,, this is how the shit sanctuary state of ILLINOIS always keeps democratic control !!! Illinois will not ever clean up until the people of Illinois realize that they need a Republican Governor , Republican Senate and Republican House !!! Until this happens , the people there will just continue to pay HIGH taxes and support all of the ILLEGAL ALIENS there !!! Vote ALL red in Illinois !!!!!!!!!
There is no way to safe guard Mail In ballots. They need to be outlawed in every state.